Schools are remarkably strange places at the best of times. Hyperactive children are often immature and prone to hissy fits, teachers are burdened with mountains of red tape and marking, and helicopter parents issue persnickety demands. The job is tough.
While many educators get it right, some teachers and educational institutions have been known to bring trouble on themselves. Whether it’s through bizarre interpretations of health and safety bureau babble or head teachers trying to micromanage every aspect of pupil well-being, schools have been known to do some pretty silly things.
With that in mind, we take a look at some of the strangest things that our educators have attempted to ban. From limitations on “body-banging” sports to the eradication of “best friends,” it would appear nothing is too sacred to ban.
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10 Words
In 2012, the New York Department of Education, in all its glorious wisdom, decided to ban a slew of words that children might deem offensive. Companies bidding for examination contracts were provided a list of inappropriate words. Obscenities did not get much of a look-in, but words like “dinosaur” and “birthday” did. It takes a pretty nimble mind to perform the mental gymnastics needed to appreciate the department’s logic. Talk of dinosaurs, you see, could displease religious fundamentalists who do not subscribe to Darwin’s theory of evolution. Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate birthdays, so that was out.
“Halloween” was also proscribed, as it could upset individuals sensitive to the subject of paganism (and ghouls, goblins, and zombified DOE bureaucrats). Mention of diseases was to be be avoided like the plague, just in case test-takers had any ill relatives. Discussion of poverty could make the impoverished ashamed of their poverty. “Expensive gifts, vacations, and prizes” could make some students jealous.
All in all, around 50 topics were banned from standardized tests. Insensitive references to divorces, junk food, nuclear weapons, politics, religion, sex, slavery, sorcery, terrorism, vermin, violence, war, and bloodshed were a no-no. “Bodily functions,” “death and disease,” “catastrophes/disasters (tsunamis and hurricanes),” and “homes with swimming pools” are just a few other surprising mentions.[1]
In explaining the bizarre list, a DOE spokesperson said the following: “This is standard language that has been used by test publishers for many years and allows our students to complete practice exams without distraction.”
9 Red Ink Markings
We turn to our Australian friends now. Over the last decade, hundreds of schools throughout Australia have started issuing a rather curious demand to teaching staff: Cease marking students’ work with red ink. According to recommendations issued to schools in Queensland, red ink could inflict psychological damage on youngsters. Here is Crofton Junior School headmaster Richard Sammonds explaining his approach:
We use highlighter pens in all colours of the rainbow—apart from red. There are pinks, blues, greens and fluorescent yellows. The idea is to raise standards by taking a positive approach. We highlight bits that are really good in one colour and use a different colour to mark areas that could be improved.
A number of schools throughout the UK are now using pink pens to mark school work, as red ink is considered too “aggressive.” A language teacher told The Telegraph that he now draws pink boxes at the end of each piece of submitted work, in which he must insert complementary feedback in green ink.
Other UK academies, meanwhile, have adopted an intricate six-pen marking system—a move then–Education Secretary Nicky Morgan labeled “ridiculous.” Many students are now exposed to a rainbow-colored assortment of markings, including blue, purple, and green. Another technique, called “deep marking,” allows students to produce written responses to their teachers’ markings. In essence, teachers mark, students respond, and then teachers mark again. Deep marking is used by around three quarters of all British schoolteachers, raising concerns that staff are wasting time on an unproven feedback strategy.
However, spare a thought for pupils of Bristol’s Bedminster Down School, who are no longer receiving any markings at all. Headmaster Gary Schlick, using “evidence-based research,” believes that markings could demoralize students and damage their confidence. The concept of grades appears to be disappearing, too. “As a school we had moved away from putting grades on work some time ago—if you put a grade on a piece of work all they do is look at the grade,” proclaimed Schlick, authoritatively.[2] Instead, Schlick and co. are transitioning to “live marking,” a technique that allows teachers to sit down with each pupil and assess their work, face-to-face. This way, teachers can offer more encouragement and emphasize some of the more positive aspects of their academic toils. It begs the obvious question: Growing up with such an oppressive marking scheme, how on Earth did Schlick become such a well-adjusted head teacher?
8 Triangular Flapjacks
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A school in the English county of Essex decided to ban triangular flapjacks after one of its pupils sustained a brutal injury at the hands of a flapjack-wielding degenerate in 2013. The troubled troublemaker, armed with the delicious, oat-based weapon, identified weakness in the eyes of a fellow pupil. With that, he hurled the freshly baked sustenance at his unsuspecting victim. The projectile hit its target, stirring mass panic. The injured party was sent home with a sore eye.
The school was keen to stress that the incident was an infrequent occurrence. Regardless, out of an abundance of caution, it sought to introduce a ban on triangle-shaped flapjacks. A spokesperson for Castle View School offered the following super serious statement: “I can confirm that the texture and shape of the flapjacks were reviewed following an isolated accident last week.” Although the review found that triangular flapjacks were dangerous, on account of their pointed edges, square flapjacks were still permitted.[3] Eagle-eyed locals were quick to point out that square flapjacks also possess pointy edges.
Flapjacks are by no means the only food source removed from school cafeterias. In a bid to improve the diets of Los Angeles schoolchildren and tackle childhood obesity, chocolate- and strawberry-flavored milk were banned. However, officials overlooked one fundamental fact: Children like drinking flavored milk. Taking away flavored milk meant fewer school children consumed milk, unflavored or otherwise. Ultimately, this led to increased wastage of plain milk and the attendant environmental problems that came with having to dispose of masses of sour milk. Studies have also shown that a ban on flavored milk, while cutting down on overall sugar intake, results in children consuming less protein and calcium. Five years on, the Los Angeles Unified School District made an embarrassing climb down and started reintroducing flavored milk.
Zooming back to the UK, we find that the parents of one Stoke-on-Trent school were sent letters in 2018, telling them what items were banned from their own children’s lunch boxes. To promote healthy eating, Abbey Hulton Primary School said pupils were not allowed candy, chocolate, cereal bars, sausage rolls, soda, or flavored water.
7 Ball Games And Competitive Sports Days
At Oakdale School in Connecticut, recess has undergone some significant changes. The school principal, to spare hurt feelings and encourage teamwork, took the ban hammer to traditional sports activities in 2007. Soccer, kickball, dodgeball, and, as Principal Mark Johnson puts it, “body-banging” activities are prohibited. Instead, recess now consists of more timid pastimes, including chess, jump rope, Frisbee, Hula-Hooping, litter picking, singing, and walking. Parents were not happy, however, arguing that it was the school’s duty to prepare students for the competitive onslaught of adulthood. And, of course, if you are going to become a big-league NFL star, you might need to pick up a ball every once in a while.
Principal Johnson eventually compromised. Supervised by a responsible adult, the children were permitted to play kickball, just so long as the score was not kept (a perpetual non-zero-sum game). Teachers also had to patrol the playground to ensure that the more gentle recess activities didn’t degenerate into something out of Apocalypse Now. One parent explained that her child was scolded for throwing a Frisbee too hard.
Oakdale is not alone in its robust attempts to protect the younglings. From ball games to tag, activities considered too rough are disappearing from playgrounds. In parts of Maryland, dodgeball has been either restricted or outright banned since 2001. The Austin Independent School District also banned the game. In particular, the organization’s curriculum specialist, Diane Farr, does not like the sport’s more controversial nicknames: “murder ball” and “killer ball.” “This is something that should not be used in today’s classroom, especially in today’s society,” explained Farr. “With Columbine and all the violence that we are having, we have to be very careful with how we teach our children.” Similar decisions were made in regions throughout Florida, Long Island, Maine, Massachusetts, Texas, and Virginia.
Competitive sports days are also for the chopping block. In Britain, many schools now conduct “non-competitive sports days,” where winners and losers are a thing of the past. Activities focus on encouraging teamwork to guarantee pupils do not feel “singled out.”[4] Once the tedium of the “infant fun runs” and Hula-Hoop Roulette come to a close, one of two things usually occurs: participants are all given a prize, or nobody gets a prize at all. To some schools, prizes are exclusionary and distressing. On occasion, parents have been instructed not to cheer for their little athletes.
6 Books (Lots Of Books)
In 2018, Minnesota schools were instructed to remove a slew of books that boasted controversial language. Epic tales from some of the most revered authors, including Mark Twain and Harper Lee, were banned. One school district said that To Kill a Mockingbird and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn contained racist language that could potentially marginalize students.[5]As a result, more than two dozen schools were forced to pull the texts from their curricula. The change surprised many book lovers, as both Huck Finnand Mockingbird are widely regarded as anti-racist tales. Naturally, racist characters and racist language were included to convey racism. But some readers took a dim view to the language and thought the books were, in fact, promoting racism. Anti-censorship groups pushed back, arguing that a book’s purpose was to make readers think, not to make them feel comfortable.
Director of Curriculum and Instruction Michael Cary said the book banningwas in response to years of complaints. “We felt that we could still teach the same standards and expectations through other novels that didn’t require students to feel humiliated or marginalized by the use of racial slurs,” stated Cary.
Book banning in schools is a common occurrence. Toni Morrison’s 1987 fiction book Beloved was removed from an English class in Kentucky’s Eastern High School in 2008. The censorship came shortly after two parents complained that the book was gratuitous. The Pulitzer Prize–winning book, which chronicles the life of a runaway slave, includes references to bestiality, racism, sex, and violence.
Meanwhile, The Fault in Our Stars was banned from schools in the Riverside Unified School District in California in 2014. The ban was triggered after a horrified parent, Karen Krueger, brought the book’s dark themes to the attention of teaching staff. In particular, Krueger felt the book’s emphasis on mortality could disturb impressionable youngsters. Author John Green responded to the outcry thusly:
I guess I am both happy and sad. I am happy because apparently young people in Riverside, California will never witness or experience mortality since they won’t be reading my book, which is great for them. But I am also sad because I was really hoping I would be able to introduce the idea that human beings die to the children of Riverside, California and thereby crush their dreams of immortality.
In 1996, Moby-Dick was banned from advanced English classes in a school in Lindale, Texas. The 1851 masterpiece was pulled over fears that it was inconsistent with “community values.” While nobody really knew what community values Moby-Dick was supposedly debasing, such reasoning is routinely trotted out by the censorious.
Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451—a tale about purging books from society—was censored in one school in Irvine, California. Words like “abortion,” “damn,” and “hell” were redacted to please sensitive parents. Publisher Ballantine Books released a censored edition for high school students. Unhappy with the alterations, Bradbury demanded the publisher remove the edited versions from circulation.
In 2011, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s A Study in Scarlet was no longer required reading at a number of schools in Albemarle County, Virginia. The Conan Doyle classic was labeled “anti-Mormon” and unsuitable for the pliable minds of youths. One concerned parent said the book perpetuated inaccuracies surrounding American religion.
J.D. Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye is arguably one of the most suppressed stories of all time. At the time of publication, Catcher was infamous for its rebellious teen protagonist, Holden Caulfield. Upon release, critics lambasted the New York Times bestseller for its offensive and crass language. A reviewer with the Christian Science Monitor said the book was unsuitable for children because of its “immorality and perversion.” Over the years, Salinger’s brainchild was criticized for promoting blasphemy, promiscuity, homosexuality, and anti-white overtones. Others were unhappy that a 16-year-old was depicted smoking and drinking. Schools in Issaquah, Washington, went so far as to ban the novel on the basis it was part of a “communist plot.” Between 1966 and 1975, there were over 40 attempts to ban Catcher in the Rye from schools.
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, Catch-22, Gone With the Wind, Hamlet, Invisible Man, and The Scarlet Letter, among others, have all been banned in various schools across the United States. This culture of banning and expurgating texts has spawned the Banned Books Week Coalition—an alliance of book lovers who fight censorship and promote the “freedom to read.”
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